The next-to-last week of the regular season brought some absolute carnage. The Hares officially took the drama out of the standings by handling the Wolf Spiders and ensuring that no tiebreaker mathematics would be necessary, while the Possums ran straight through the Armadillos in a statement performance. The PhoeGnomes continued their remarkable late-season transformation with a near-perfect demolition of the Anchors, and the Goofballs reminded everyone why they remain one of the league’s heavyweights by flattening the Kraken. With just 1 week left, the finish line is finally in sight.

JK Hares 8-0-2 over KK Wolf Spiders (17-4-2, 1st) vs. (11-8-4, 3rd)

Jeff came into Week 23 needing to make sure the Hares’ season did not come down to some obscure tiebreaker buried in the league constitution, and they responded by simply removing the question altogether. The Hares won 8-0-2, sweeping every category that actually produced a winner and leaving the Wolf Spiders with nothing but 2 ties. Kyle’s squad certainly played with pride, but Jeff slammed the door on any late-season uncertainty and moved to 17-4-2, finishing the week alone in 1st place.

The offense was relentless. The Hares piled up 35 R, 10 HR, 39 RBI and an .869 OPS, with Jackson Chourio producing a ridiculous 13-for-27, 9 R, 2 HR, 8 RBI, 2 SB and 1.332 OPS week. Riley Greene was nearly as destructive with 10-for-23, 4 R, 2 HR and 9 RBI, while Elly De La Cruz added 3 HR and 5 RBI and Alec Burleson drove in 6. Kyle actually received an excellent week from Corey Seager and got 5 RBI apiece from Oneil Cruz and Hunter Goodman, but the Wolf Spiders’ 27 R, 8 HR and .700 OPS simply could not keep pace. The 2 sides tied at 39 RBI and 3 SB, and that was as close as Kyle came to stealing a category.

Pitching turned the win into a rout. The Hares amassed 48.1 IP, 58 K and 3 SV with a 3.54 ERA and 1.28 WHIP, taking all 5 pitching categories. Taj Bradley, Ranger Suárez, Bryan Woo and Zack Wheeler combined to allow just 2 ER across 26 IP, and even Foster Griffin’s catastrophic 30.86 ERA could not derail the machine. The Wolf Spiders had some spectacular individual performances, particularly Jacob deGrom’s 6 IP, 12 K, 0.00 ERA and 0.17 WHIP, but their staff finished with a 4.17 ERA over only 45.1 IP. Kyle made the Hares earn it, but Jeff took care of business when it mattered. No calculators. No tiebreakers. No ambiguity. Just another win for the team sitting atop Dirt Mountain.

RK Possums 8-2-0 over LK Armadillos (12-9-2, 4th) vs. (8-10-5, 6th)

The Possums did not merely beat the Armadillos. They came stampeding through Week 23 with 40 R, 12 HR, 38 RBI and 10 SB, handing Larry an 8-2-0 defeat while strengthening their position heading into the final week. Rick’s offense was ferocious from top to bottom, but Fernando Tatis Jr. was the centerpiece, going 12-for-23 with 6 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI and 4 SB while posting a 1.346 OPS. Cody Bellinger launched 3 HR and drove in 7, Francisco Lindor added 3 HR and 8 RBI, and Ben Rice scored 6 times with 2 more homers.

Larry’s offense simply never got moving. The Armadillos managed only 27 R, 4 HR and 22 RBI with a .602 OPS, and several hitters contributed virtually nothing. Pete Alonso did his part with 2 HR and 6 RBI, but the lineup around him left far too much ground to recover. The Armadillos did manage 34 BB, easily beating Rick’s 23, but the Possums took the other 5 offensive categories and effectively decided the matchup at the plate.

The pitching battle was considerably more competitive. Larry rode 58 IP to take volume and also edged Rick in WHIP, 1.07 to 1.12, but the Possums countered with 55 K, 4 SV and a 2.96 ERA. Jesus Luzardo was magnificent for Rick with 9 IP, 12 K, a 0.00 ERA and 0.33 WHIP, while Mason Montgomery delivered 3 saves without allowing a run. Larry got strong work from Noah Cameron, Tarik Skubal, Tyler Mahle and Trevor Rogers, but a few ugly outings pushed the staff ERA to 3.72 and erased much of that good work. The Armadillos are still battling for position, but Week 23 belonged overwhelmingly to the Possums.

HP PhoeGnomes 9-0-1 over CM Dirt Mountain Anchors (4-16-3, 7th) vs. (3-17-3, 8th)

Whatever happened to the PhoeGnomes team that spent the first half of the season wandering through the wilderness? Heather unleashed another monster performance in Week 23, annihilating the Anchors 9-0-1 and leaving Charlie without a single category win. The only thing preventing the clean 10-0 sweep was a 3-3 tie in SB. Everywhere else, it was PhoeGnomes.

Heather’s lineup hammered out 32 R, 11 HR and 31 RBI with an .800 OPS, led by Randy Arozarena’s monstrous 8-for-24, 7 R, 3 HR and 9 RBI performance. Zach Neto added 3 HR and 6 RBI, Kyle Tucker supplied 2 HR and 6 RBI, and Jonathan Aranda chipped in another 2 homers. Charlie actually received a huge week from Eugenio Suárez, who hit 3 HR with 6 RBI, but the Anchors finished with only 24 R, 6 HR, 26 RBI and a .731 OPS.

Then came the pitching mismatch. Heather threw 56.1 IP with 53 K, while Charlie managed just 25.1 IP and 20 K. Cam Schlittler was spectacular, delivering 13 IP, 18 K, a 0.69 ERA and 0.46 WHIP, while Yoshinobu Yamamoto added 7 IP, 10 K, a 1.29 ERA and 0.57 WHIP. The Anchors finished with a 6.75 ERA and 1.70 WHIP, with Kevin Gausman and Sandy Alcantara combining to surrender 13 ER in just 8.1 IP. Heather’s season record may still carry the scars of the early months, but nobody should mistake these PhoeGnomes for the team that started the year. Week 23 was a demolition.

KG Capital City Goofballs 9-1-0 over CP Kraken (15-6-2, 2nd) vs. (11-11-1, 5th)

The Goofballs delivered the other massacre of Week 23, pounding the Kraken 9-1-0 and keeping themselves firmly planted in 2nd place. Chris’s only category victory came in HR, where the Kraken edged Kyle 12-11. Everything else belonged to the Goofballs, although one category came down to an almost absurdly thin margin.

Kyle’s offense scored 37 R and drove in 40, with Jackson Merrill going nuclear at 12-for-25 with 5 R, 3 HR and 12 RBI. Brice Turang was just as outrageous in a different way, scoring 9 R while adding 2 HR, 7 RBI, 7 BB and a 1.601 OPS. The Kraken certainly did not have a bad offensive week. Coby Mayo launched 4 HR, Carter Jensen and Juan Soto each scored 6 times, and Chris finished with 32 R, 12 HR, 33 RBI and an .833 OPS. But Kyle won OPS .842 to .833, a difference of just .009, turning what could have been an 8-2 result into a 9-1 beating.

The Goofballs then controlled every pitching category. They threw 51.1 IP to 37.2, struck out 53 to 45, saved 3 to 2, and won ERA 3.68 to 5.26 and WHIP 1.23 to 1.35. Andrew Alvarez delivered 7 scoreless innings with 8 K, while Michael Wacha added another 6 scoreless. Chris got excellent outings from Logan Henderson and Reid Detmers, but Sean Burke’s nightmare appearance, 7 ER in 1.1 IP, helped blow apart the ratios. The Kraken managed to win the home-run battle and essentially nothing else. With 1 week remaining, Kyle and the Goofballs are still finishing like a team with something to prove.

Next Week

The final week of the season is upon us. The Hares have clinched the title outright, and the Goofballs will take Silver. However, third place is still up for grabs between the Possums and Wolf Spiders, who are tied. Neither team can finish fifth (and earn a better lottery spot) so expect both teams to battle until the bitter end.

The Kraken have fifth place locked up, and the Armadillos are soolid in 6th. That means the battle to stay out of the cellar is the only other slot in play. The Anchors face the Hares, and need a PhoeGnomes loss and a win to stay out of the cellar!

This is the final week of the season, so everyone needs to make the most of it!