Note:  This is a special injury report from Larry, the manager of the Armadillos!  Enjoy!

Who Leads the Dirt mountain League in Injuries Right Now?

#8–As of June 17, the Armadillos are the luckiest team as far as injuries go (knock on wood).  They have no one on the DL and have just two players listed as DTD (Marte and Maeda).  Armadillos management attributes the team’s good health to a closely monitored dietary plan consisting primarily of Whataburgers (Chicago guys should think of it in terms of Epic Burger — and if you two haven’t eaten there, why are you living in Chicago?) and pizza.  “We don’t believe in all that stuff like salads, roasted vegetables, smoothies, fresh fruit, soylent powder, or illegal dietary substances (take note Possums).”  Texas beef (or BBQ) is the preferred clubhouse food.  Bartolo Colon would love to be a member of the Armadillos.  Contrary to rumors, Giancarlo Stanton is not on the 60 day DL, nor is he posing as a vegan in the Witness Protection program,  Sadly, he is warming a spot at the end of the Armadillo bench trying to figure out what went wrong??

#7–The Possums have fared almost as well and are missing only Michael Brantley on the DL and have only C. Maybin as DTD.  Of course, there is an ongoing investigation of possible widespread doping by Rick’s squad, and a few suspensions could be coming.

#6–The Legion has also fared well and have just three players on the DL at the moment:  Puig, G. Cole, and V. Velasquez.  Two good young arms – hopefully they won’t miss much time.

#5–The Happy Hollidays have been relatively healthy, but they list Mark Teixera (nothing new there), Phil Hughes,  David Wright (tough luck for a fierce competitor), and Shelby Miller (who brought Atlanta a boatload of prospects).  The Hollidays have one player suspended – H. Olivera.

#4–The Thunderwolves have four players on the DL.  C. Spangenberg, Domingo Santana, and Brock Holt have not been missed as much time as the biggest casualty – Yu Darvish.  Yu missed all of last season and most of this one, and is now back on the DL after Tommy John surgery.  Hopefully, for Kyle’s team, and for all baseball fans, he will be back at full strength soon.  He’s fun to watch!

#3–The PhoeGnomes have been hit pretty hard and have five players out:  Travis d’Arnaud, M. Sano, J. McGee, Tyson Ross, and, the latest Bat-flip Bautista (sorry – couldn’t resist).  T. Walker is listed as DTD and Dee Gordon is suspended (reportedly the Possums are trying to trade for him and H. Olivera).

#2–The Goofballs earned the second spot primarily because of Kyle Schwarber — with all the post-season accolades from last year fresh in mind, Kevin spent a first round pick expecting a big season from him behind the plate.  But it wasn’t to be — and with the dearth of catching talent this year – it has been a tough loss for his team.  Jorge Soler, S. Souza, and G. Parra round out his other players on the DL.

#1–Not the kind of #1 a team wants — but the Lannisters earn the distinction of being the team hardest hit by injuries as we near the All-Star Break.  Members of the Legion now have 6 on the DL including King Felix, a resurgent Rich Hill, Jonathan Papelbon (and he wasn’t even put there by Bryce Harper), A. J. Pollock,  Troy Tulowitzki, and most recently J. D. Martinez.  To add insult to his injuries, he also has Kris Bryant as DTD.  Not many teams could stay afloat with that group missing in action.

However, he remarkable thing is, despite all his injuries, Jeff has the Lannisters in a tie for first place!  This doesn’t bode well for the rest of the league.  I think we all need to make a move while we have a chance.  But we all need to hold our breath as well – every player, unfortunately, is just one pitch, one swing, or one step away from being hurt and joining all these guys on the DL.

Stay healthy my friends!